Better Writing Techniques

I have articles on improving your writing stashed away on my computer, but like an amnesiac squirrel, I can't seem to locate them. Rest assured, however, that my ability to write has been contested by many before -the devil among them- but no one has denied my skills at devouring hot pie at an incredible pace. Eating virgin pie, while superficially unrelated to writing, is a good indicator of how good a writer one is. If you can get your lips, tongue, and every mince of meat in your grinder scorched, yet you keep going, I am willing to wager a smile that you would fare well against a severe case of writer's block. Don't believe me? Try eating hot pie then sit down to write. If you're unable to write, you are not, and have never been, a writer...not a good one, at least. If, however, you sit and you are able to write an interesting piece, then you have just proved my point and will excuse the mistakes in this article - as I haven't had hot pie in weeks.